Listen if you're a true blue, hardcore mark motherfucker you don't need this portly Arkansan to tell you that some real fine stuff happened on June 19th this year. If you ARE however in the market for portly Arkansans talking about wrestling, then you're in the right spot and we won't waste any more time...
AJ Styles vs John Cena, Money in the Bank 2016
It's all about the little things in this one. AJ comes in and he's absolute HEEL TO THE FUCKIN' MAX with the dickish taunts and facials that are out of this world. I mean, how the hell did people not realize in 2006 that this guy had charisma deep down? I guess that is the wrestling business, he's like the American Minoru Suzuki in the sense that he doesn't age, he just evolves again and again and stays relevant. Bravo to that sir. Cena is a master as the insecure babyface early here, with the story built around AJ having more tricks than Cena expected while Styles is a victim to the power advantage from time to time. The crowd is MOLTEN FUCKING HOT as well so that aids this match tremendously. In some ways this match gives me much of what I didn't feel Roman vs AJ ever gave me and that is a huge match feel. Without a championship, Cena vs Styles just feels huge and I'm sure the hype factor and never-before-seen element helps quite a bit. Also, it's obvious that Cena is worlds better as a worker compared to Roman but that's pretty unfair to even criticize at this point. The finish does tarnish this match a tad but I did enjoy how they're pushing The Club as a unit. All in all, a good start to a feud that should be (SHOULD being the keyword in WWE land) great by the end of it. Also, WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP CALLING SPOTS, JOHN? He never stops. ****3/4
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Sami Zayn vs Alberto del Rio vs Cesaro vs Kevin Owens vs Dean Ambrose vs Chris Jericho
Highlights of this one include:
-Various hatred moments involving ADR dropkicking a ladder sideways into Zayn's ribs, as well as double stomping Cesaro to ribbons into a ladder.
-Del Rio subsequently doing one of the worst win teases in MITB history where he just stands there for a good three seconds until Cesaro rushes to make it look less shit.
-Kevin Owens being a vicious prick as always yet paying for it like a good heel should. Sometimes.
-Cesaro giving giant swings as an early Christmas present, most awesomely the one that ends for Chris Jericho with a nice toss into a ladder.
-Ambrose is shit on far too much because he's money and this match is good in showing that off a little bit.
-Owens takes a DIRTY Michinoku Driver onto a sideways, opened ladder and I cringed. Bravo, sir. Furthermore, all of the Zayn and Owens interaction is just the usual badass stuff from them.
-Really good finish that LEADS US ONWARD! ***
Seth Rollins vs Roman Reigns for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, Money in the Bank 2016
The reaction for Rollins just coming to the ring here is fantastic. It's like this show was in Davenport, Iowa or something. Reigns needs to just be that ASSHOLE HEEL OF ALL TIME because this wishy, washy shit isn't working at ALL and they should know by now. Either way, these two really work well together. Reigns does play the bully here early which is refreshing I've got to say, especially with Rollins' slow burning anger because of it. Rollins decides he'll just completely outclass him wrestling and does, getting us to the mat with a headlock to change gears a tad. Reigns is just mega douche though and finds himself bringing Rollins down again and again. SUICIDE DIVE TO THE FLOOR, LANDING ON HIS FEET IS ROLLINS. Roman's samoan wisdom helps when he finds a samoan drop followed by headbutts after that cool spot. The fans give no fucks though and Roman is EATING IT UP? Please just pull the trigger on him being a mega dick always. Roman is one million percent that frat guy from college that couldn't quit trying to be badass. Great heat could be had. Rollins confirms he is the new age Michaels with a beautiful end over corner bump straight onto his feet backwards into more offense. I never get sick of that silly spot. So very mid 90's Shawn though for sure. Reigns gets testy and eats awesome Japan-inducing slaps by Rollins. Anyone that looks epic while throwing open handed slaps is aces by me. Reigns commences to just ragdolling the ever-loving FUCK out of Seth on the floor and into commentary chairs over one of the random announce tables. Rollins really does all he can here to make Roman look absolutely dangerous but the crowd is hell bent on shitting on him. It doesn't help at all that most of the build towards this match had Seth playing the prick while Roman was being the confident babyface for the most part. Bizarre to say the least but not all bad. The match did lull quite a bit midway through leading into the finish but things definitely pick up enough to save it. We see Roman's ode to Konnan and various other international wrestlers of 1990's yesteryear with his nice sitout Razor's Edge. Rollins survives and does his per-usual incredibly athletic stuff. Rollins does an absolutely absurd TOPE CON HILO yet lands, again, on his FEET. This man is better than ever despite that horrid knee injury. I definitely rewound and watched that one again. Rollins sells a Superman Punch better than I've ever seen anyone do before where he simply goes completely limp and crumples to his face. Rollins' frog splash is also BEAUTY. Rollins doing his superplex into a Falcon Arrow sequence always gets me because of how slick he is with it. It's not like most of the shit indy guys that do that kind of stuff, it feels natural how he rolls into it all. Roman does his very fancy roll up into the release powerbomb spot. These guys simply go nuts in this, showing off pretty much every trick they have up their sleeves and it is quite a blast to watch. Easily to me Roman's best match so far also, just inching out those AJ vs Roman matches slightly. The ref bump is a little much I felt but I see why it happened, it was an attempt to build doubt in the final outcome. The finish is just AWESOME. ****3/4
So we have a new champion in Rollins and things are peachy keen in the world!….and then it gets better. Rollins found himself tasting his own medicine and at a higher level than he ever inflicted. Just mere moments after becoming a two time champion, with just a simple shot in the back(see the breakup of The Shield from 2 years ago) and he found himself in the gutter and we have an even NEWER WWE World Heavyweight Champions DEAN AMBROSE! After 5 years of being in wrestling limbo, he's THE guy. Sure, in WWE that changes in an instant but he can always say he was World Champion in a WWE ring. There's a ton of critics towards Dean but man, he's fantastic. I've felt for quite some time that he's that great meshing of the old school and new with how great he is at selling yet he also has unique and effective offense. Not to mention when he's allowed to go on his own, he's absolutely fantastic on the mic as well. This is hoping that WWE quits the cutesy shit and we get the unedited, brilliant Dean Ambrose that a few priveleged few back in the ECW Arena in 2009 for CZW, or those in attendance during those early Evolve days got to witness.