Wrestling Lunacy all over Evolve 61

Wrestling Lunacy like a mooootherfucker!

Some jacked guy interrupted a main event in a bar in New York City this weekend. He ran off a bunch of kickpad wearers and said some words about how wrestling today is ran by retards. Well, basically. So because of the crazy news surrounding this show, I decided I'd put my eager fingers to plastic and conjure up some motivation to tell YOU THE READER (hi mom) how it went.

Matt Riddle vs Lio Rush

Riddle is the epitome of what many call “grapple fuckery”. He does a lot of swank wrestling counters and takedowns but in the end, it usually doesn't amount to much. Mr. Riddle used to make a living trying to injure people in cages though so he's got some aura around him. Lio Rush is a fucking BEAST in the ring and makes me happy lately because he just kind of snuck up on me. We get Riddle showing that ever-present grapple fucking with some waistlock takedowns just to tell Young Lio that he's his bitch tonight. Lio does well showing frustration. He also worms away from Riddle with all his might. Rumor is that Rush was actually an amateur wrestler in his former life before spandex and I could buy it with how he handles Riddle's grappling prowess. Rush ends up taking Riddle's back in a nice little sequence to show he's not a novice on the mat but Riddle wisely snapmares out. Rush then proceeds to do fucking flips out of Riddle's grasp before Riddle gets annoyed and drops the boy on his NECK with a german suplex. Riddle is fun when he decides to bring it. We get the nice rolling gutwrench suplex flurry here on Rush as well. Rush actually SELLS it and I'm in. Riddle shows off his Daniel Bryan kick knowledge but they look fairly weak. Rush worms around some more before sinking in a guillotine on the UFC KID! Riddle finds a way and drops Rush on his neck again with a suplex. I'm slowly liking Riddle's philosophy of crippling people. We get a flurry of strike parrying and Riddle straight bitch smacks Rush. Riddle thinks he is gucci and hits the ropes just for Rush to reverse with a GODDAMNED SPANISH FLY. Riddle survives however when Rush misses a frog splash and Riddle sinks in an armbar for the submission. A beautiful sprint here and Riddle looks like a wrestling beast while Rush showed amazing heart as well. ***

So Riddle is running an angle where he has the Evolve title but clearly gives no fucks about it. He actually chunks the belt into the ring when he makes his entrance here. Riddle then calls out Timothy Thatcher and proceeds to proverbially wipe his twig and berries with the belt. Stokely comes out, the manager that keeps hanging around Catch Point and takes the title with a shit eating grin. We shall see if we get a nice match between these men again.

Ethan Page and Chris Dickinson vs The Bravado Brothers

I've been rather impressed with the Bravados as of late. NOAH did them wonders because when they first showed up back in ROH, they were fucking dreadful. Page is winning my interest as well and Dickinson for me is quite flat. Ethan nearly runs into the “mobile studio” as Lenny Leonard called it. Bravados cut the ring off early on Page and I'm pumped about it. The Bravados do well with the old school way of structuring a match and they show that off here. Page is trying to keep the hope alive but the Bravados are smart to it and keep tagging in and out on him. Page will get the upper hand and then gets wrecked. Finally the Bravados fuck up and Page takes control after a nice corner reversal kick into a flying cutter onto the odd man out. In comes Dickinson and he's a...lumbering kind of house of fire. He does some double offense on both Bravados but gets cut off. Harlem has him up in the Doomsday position and Dickinson hits a REVERSE RANA CHRIST. That was very 2016 of you, Chris. In comes Page again and we get some clutter when Page and Dickinson act confused. They get Lancelot up in a double torture rack position but Harlem saves. We get a sweet looking neckbreaker into knees from a sunset flip position by the Bravados. Again we get in and out tags. Page survives a double team attempt with a tilt a whirl facebuster. Dickinson picks off Harlem with a SUPER HURRICANRANA onto his brother...kinda. We get a near fall for Page after Harlem saves. We get a very poor strike sequence between Dickinson and Lancelot with their respective partners interfering and we get a back and forth with each man being showcased for a bit. Enzugiri into a fall-away slam by Dickinson and Page. Dickinson says that isn't enough and does a fucking bodypress from the top to the floor on both of his opponents. Harlem is singled out by Page and Dickinson for a weird reverse FU double team but Lancelot makes the save at two. This match felt badly disjointed and to me, Page and Dickinson just didn't click well as a team. That or Dickinson is just really poor. Bravados' finish is super cool though so that wins this match some points. **

Fred Yehi vs TJ Perkins, WWE Global Cruiserweight Classic Qualifier

So it finally happened; the mobile studio got wrecked by Yehi in his entrance. Nearly collapsed to the ground and I laughed. You'd think Gabe would be smart enough to warn the boys about the goddamn set but hey, wrestlers are also stupid sometimes. Regardless, this is a big one to see who will be part of the well-publicized WWE tournament this summer. I love this matchup actually because these guys aren't what you'd expect from the term “cruiserweight” because they're not flying like crazy as much as working the mat. Aaand that's what we get immediately with some nice sequences through armlocks and hammerlocks with Perkins breaking the pace with a dropkick. Yehi goes for the flash roll up but doesn't get it yet finds himself taking Perkins' back. Perkins fights up and reverses with a nice headscissors down to the mat and maintaining for the submission. Perkins dabs, I eye roll. Perkins masterfully works the head though and Yehi is fighting for his LIFE HERE BOYS. Yehi gets to his feet but is twirled down for a quick pin attempt that Yehi kicks out of. Perkins is smooth as silk but I don't like his “steeze” if you will. Yehi gets sick of shit and drops Perkins with some offense and stomps on the mans leg! Then he suplexes him and stretches Perkins with a bizarre submission complete with sitting on his fucking head and neck. Then he stomps on Perkins' leg more. Perkins tries alleviating swelling by undoing his shoelaces in a beautiful sell moment. Then he complete ignores his pain and puts on a makeshift Black Widow submission ala WWE Divas division 2013. We get more weird grapple fuckery that ends with a Muta Lock on Yehi. I feel like Perkins rushes far too much with his work and if he slowed down even a tad, he'd be spectacular at a high level. We get a nice Eddie Guerrero slingshot senton by Perkins. Perkins has a headlock at one point and so blatantly calls a spot into Yehi's ear before a drop down sequence that ends with Yehi stompage on Perkins' prone arm. Yehi decides he's making Perkins' sternum jealous and stomps the piss out of it as well. Yehi has such a unique style and mannerisms that make him standout above so many. He works very believably to me. Perkins feels very plastic to me. We get more obvious spot calling when Yehi sinks in a body scissors. That kind of stuff happens but not CONSTANTLY in a match, or at least it shouldn't. Seriously, Perkins needs to be on the next Botchamania for this sloppy spot calling. YOU TALK TOO MUCH, DAWG. That really is my biggest gripe about this match though and both guys really showcased some swanky 'rasslin stuff. Can we create a time machine so I can see a Fred Yehi vs Ronnie Garvin match? Everytime Yehi excites me with a sequence, Perkins cuts him off and I groan a little bit. I'm so god damned biased with Perkins match but Jesus man, for a dude that has worked like 20 years by the age of 30, he's very disjointed and loses focus a lot when it comes to little things. Yehi's Koji Clutch is a thing of beauty. Despite the previous annoyances, this match is solid. It really showed a lot of courage and guts by the young Yehi and Perkins, while I dislike him myself, is undeniably a good performer. Both guys did justice to the importance of this impending WWE Cruiserweight Tournament and made me interested to see how it unfolds. ***1/2

Tracy Williams vs Drew Gulak

TAG CHAMPIONS EXPLODE! This is very intriguing as the early angle between these two was based on Gulak not respecting the rookie Williams which has now “evolved” into both men being the Evolve World Tag Team Champions. Williams has been improving so fast and Gulak is among the highest tier of the independent guys today. Not surprisingly, the early part of this affair is a stalemate with both men countering the other's advances. Makes sense, Williams is the apprentice to Gulak's mentor so they'd know each other well. Smartly, Gulak finds himself with the upper hand most often though being the veteran. They work a test of strength into a fun bridge collapse spot with Gulak finding a way but Williams is quick to wise up to it. Williams gets Gulak on his heels on the floor and SUICIDE DIVES and the railing loosens. Very nice. Williams' risk looks to pay off as he takes advantage in the ring on Gulak by working his arm. We get more stalemating with swank moves. These guys are fantastic. Gulak brings the brutal with some ropes assisted stomps on Williams that look vicious. Gulak slows it down with some nice leg work on Williams before he's countered with a beautiful key lock proper on the mat. Gulak stacks Williams up but his reversed back down into the key lock. These two have that gritiness that Perkins for instance doesn't to me. When they have a submission on, they work it and seem like they're looking for injury. Gulak's facials are pristine here in that vain with everything he puts on Williams. Williams shows some pretty surprising athleticism with a crisp big splash for a near fall. Williams Mongolian chops Gulak's shoulder. I officially love this kid. More work on Gulak's shoulder by Williams showing that he's got the goods to beat his sensei. Gulak drops Williams with a nice top rope clothesline. Gulak looks to be possessed suddenly with shotgun dropkicks to the seated Williams. He is pretty well FROTHING angry. Gulak tosses Williams hamstrings first into the ropes like a dick. Things have escalated here and I love it. Williams reverses a superplex with a strange but awesome looking facebuster in front facelock into the turnbuckle and finds his way into a crossface. Both men work it with errant roll up teases until Gulak rope breaks. I love that while things can get somewhat spotty, it always comes back to the basics of the match's narrative here. Williams wants a head bump and nails a Shawn Michaels 1992 Back Suplex that looks schweet! Gulak has the knees up however when Williams goes for broke with a splash. Then Gulak decapitates Williams with a clothesline from HADES. Gulak fucks up and goes for the flying clothesline again but Williams hooks him with the crossface. He wrenches the bastard heavy here too but Gulak ain't gonna give it up. He squirms out of the hold but is clearly hurt. Williams goes for the kill but Gulak bursts into a back slide for a near fall but eats a boot for his troubles! Williams is throwing some damned chops on Gulak who's on his knees. Both men stand and bang with nice strikes until Williams starches Gulak with a clothesline from DANTE'S INFERNO. We get an absolutely fucking awesome leapfrog into a front roll, into a sunset flip style roll up for two. Then Gulak hooks in his flying guillotine for the win. This match is absolutely a must see for anyone that appreciates the sweet science of 'rasslin at a high level. ****

Marty Scurll vs Zack Sabre, Jr.

A battle of two besties here. It is well known that these two guys broke in together in England and in fact were a very well known tag team known as The Leaders of the New School in Europe. Marty has completely changed since then and is an erratic villain while Sabre is a fucking wrestling master. We start as expected with awesome switches from arm work down to the mat with various holds and reversals. Sabre brings the World of Sport goodness here as always while Marty brings the crazy. It's hard to really go hold by hold analyzing Sabre because he does so much and pretty quickly at that. Just know he's fantastic with his grappling. Marty is no slouch at the grapple goodness himself either. These guys are simply fun to watch and their vast experience together shows well here. Very little seams in their work here. Marty catches Sabre's leg and taunts him before driving him down to the mat and working his leg. Sabre reverses himself out of it and brings Marty down with a headlock and transitions into working Marty's leg with a nice dose of his own medicine. A bow and arrow is reversed into a pin but is quickly kicked out of and we are back to square one. This is a very good commercial for both guys about what they bring to the ring perhaps more than anything in this match. I do think the psychology is sound; if you trained with someone and tagged as well for several years, you'd think that there'd be a lot of canceling each other out and that's what we see here. Sabre is predominantly obsessed with Marty's left arm. Marty is obsessed with blowing Sabre's brains out with a short superkick from the apron with a modified king of the mountain spot. Marty then sweetly drives Sabre's spine into the apron with a suplex. Sabre tries shattering Marty's wrist and elbow by kicking the railing into Marty like a sick bastard. Marty's focus shifts to Sabre's back with a backbreaker but quickly Marty decides he wants to give Sabre some retribution for the joint manipulation of his arm and stomps Sabre's wrist like a total DOOOUCHEBAG. I approve of it. He disrespects Sabre with a slap and Sabre is PISSED. He stomps Marty's own elbow into his wrist making him a hand less gimp but Marty decides to be Goldberg for a second, no selling and throws some hate towards Sabre like it is nothing. Both men exchange straight jacket holds until Sabre works up a flurry with a float over octopus stretch! He decides to trap Marty's arms for added effect. Then he floats to the other side. What in the fuck, Sabre is nuts. Chaos Theory Dragon Suplex by Sabre is very swank. These two show why the UK scene is one of the best in the world right now. Roll-Up Mania happens here and it is absolutely crazy to see. One of the very few knocks here is a very bizarre transition moment late in the match where Marty looked to be going for a kneeling tornado DDT but it seems the spot is confused and they sloppily go into something else. Both men recover well though and this match is an absolute pleasure to watch. The finishing sequence is a work of art, especially how they work the finishing hold to the absolute end. Apparently this was for the Number One Contendership for the Evolve Championship. Cool, I'll be interested to see how this all develops with the title situation. ****

Drew Galloway vs Johnny Gargano

Here we go, the most interesting development in all of Evolve. These two guys were very recently the very first ever Evolve Tag Team Champions yet it didn't take long for Galloway to snap and beat the living hell out of Gargano and go eeeevil. Galloway is also notable for being the current TNA World Heavyweight Champion while Gargano has been in NXT. So this is kinda, sorta TNA vs WWE in front of our eyes like it's 2005 all over again when people gave any fucks. Galloway doesn't wanna fight, he wants to say he's a leader of “real” independent guys. Galloway says Gargano is a “sheep” to the machine, interesting choice of words. Definitely some foreshadowing. Johnny gets some heavy chants over this verbage from Galloway. I'm digging Galloway here as this bizarre heel character. Gargano then responds on the mic and damn, I didn't realize how over he is here. Makes sense, he's been the ace of the company for years in all actuality. Quintessential babyface schtick here by Gargano. Gargano openly admits that WWE's money bought them all the production and cosmetic improvements and it isn't a bad thing. Lets think about this; these guys didn't touch for quite some time in this thing and the crowd was invested. That says a lot about the power of the angle here as well as the talent of both guys keeping the fans' interest after a really hot night of wrestling. We also get a brawl from the start here with both guys exchanging shots. Classic little man vs giant match in many ways here. Galloway neutralizes Gargano with a sick big boot and the fans are absolutely into Gargano here. Gargano evades and finds Galloway on the floor with a heat seeking missile dive through the ropes. Some brawling on the floor reaches its peak when Galloway DESTROYS Gargano with a headbutt and you see some kid with a Bullet Club shirt SELL for that one. Gargano finds a way though and front rolls onto Galloway from the apron in a nice spot. Galloway consistently shows his power and shrugs Gargano into the corner in a sickening way. Galloway gives Sheamus a shout out with clubbing forearms into the ropes. The fans respond with jeers from hell. Fuck yes, Mean Drew Galloway is great. Galloway tosses Gargano with a belly to belly overhead like a child. Galloway may be one of the more believable guys in the ring today. He finally feels like a huge dude and a big deal as well. Galloway's reverse Alabama Slam is a thing of macabre beauty and he drills Gargano with it in this one. Future Shock is countered into a roll up twice with a superkick barrage to boot. Galloway says fuck you and eats another sole for a near fall. Really strong chemistry between these two. Some really badass wrestling happens before Galloway locks in his version of the Gargano Escape submission and Gargano fights his way to the rope break. Galloway tries some high rent offense but Gargano locks in his own Gargano Escape but Galloway counters just to be counter yet again by Gargano's hold. Strong sequence here with Galloway finding a way to end it all with a tombstone that looked masterful for a near fall. Both men do well to sell exhaustion and shock over what got them to this point in the bout. Galloway gives some good advice to Gargano to just give it up but gets spit on for his trouble. Gargano tries a back slide but is countered into the Future Shock for 2! Galloway looks dejected by this and Gargano is in bad shape. Avalanche Air Raid Crash by Galloway isn't enough either. Gargano looks absolutely fucked though and Galloway looks increasingly pissed. I'm really digging this one. Gargano finds a reserve of energy and locks in his submission but EC3 has arrives and he's dropping punches! Lenny Leonard sells like Bin Laden has risen from the grave and the fans are pissed off. Then we get the promo. I thought it was the best mic work we've seen of EC3 yet and that's probably because TNA's dogshit writing staff wasn't near it. If they were, I am gleefully shocked. ****1/2