RASSLE TRIBUNE #3 OMFG
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RASSLE TRIBUNE #3
Things Happened in Wrestling! WWE builds towards another old star’s return, SmackDown gets silly, RAW gets sillerious? NJPW Hits a Home Run, and TNA!
So I must mention in full disclosure that this issue is heavily rushed due to some wild day-job related activities. One being getting no sleep and that not being tied to my ‘rasslin fixes. It’s really a tragedy when you can’t even fixate yourself onto the wacky world we all know and love to wind down after days of dealing with complete bullshit. Yet ALAS! I don’t take no shit and I don’t let time or sleep keep me from this damn, beautiful work that I do. So let us just get our asses into it all!
Hayabusa vs Jushin Thunder Liger, NJPW Super J-Cup 1994
When you can say a match starts with a dive, I feel like you’re really in a great place. So this is how Hayabusa looks at ring psychology: is the man on the floor? Then he will be dove upon and given every move ever until either I job out or he dies at my feet. I must say I appreciate this philosophy. Liger’s philosophy? Whipping your ass! Hence, we get a damn fun match. It could be argued that this year is the peak of either man and this match shows quite a lot in that regard. Hayabusa just throws everything out there and really looks great...until he botches a Shooting Star Press horribly ON THE MAN THAT INVENTED THE FUCKING MOVE! Hayabusa really was the Japanese Sabu after all. I still have to recommend this match as well as any other work from both men, especially Haybusa who’s career ended far too soon due to injury. Hayabusa does bust out a bizarre, almost reverse half crab hold that looks both parts hurty and cool. Liger is so fucking awesome here as clearly the better worker and he shows what it takes to be a top star in wrestling, not just Japan. He shows that mean streak that we all have loved from his work that know him, and also shows incredible grace in the same moment. If this was 1994, you’d be shitting yourself seeing what these two do at a time when Bret Hart and Yokozuna were doing plodding, WWF main events. And Hulk Hogan was in WCW, just let this all sink in people. ****
So I figured out a way to watch WWE and not pull my hair out: watch SmackDown first, RAW second. I do this because RAW is much like European beers; it is quite heavy and bloated. Three hours for a wrestling show is just death. SmackDown is much like a nice, Mexican cerveza; light, pleasant, and leaving you wanting more...sometimes anyways. Thus! We start our week with SmackDown’s No Mercy fallout show.
WWE SmackDown 10-11-2016:
Whoever made the “Give me Dolph or Give me Death” sign is a brilliant person! It’s amazing how a guy I thought was done finds himself at least over in some way again. Is he Cena 2.0? No one is but hey Dolph never lost his pushes because he wasn’t good. The guy is really awesome in the ring when motivated and underrated on the mic when, again, he’s motivated.
Dolph talks about how he didn’t know if he was going to win. Way to show you have very little faith in yourself, like many others in the crowd and the said crowd sit on their hands for this promo. Insert the usual “I almost lost it all” cliches in wrestling. In a very odd moment, he mentions that if you don’t believe him about not knowing about his win, he says “go check your guide and hit the info button”. That’s about as Vince Russo as it gets for 2016. He’s saying this TO A LIVE CROWD AS WELL. And that crowd responded with..nothing. Miz comes out to SAVE THE FUCKING DAY! Miz and Maryse are in all black looking somber as hell. They simply come in and take a moment of silence and boos fucking GROW. This man is the best heel in wrestling today. Miz shushes Ziggler and says he’s mourning the death of the IC Title and I die. Miz then proceeds to cut a fantastic promo about his run and how he brought prestige to the title. This garners a mixed reaction actually which shows how much respect Miz has gained over the last couple of years. Miz says now the title is mediocre at best because DOLPH is mediocre. Miz flubs a line about how it’s time for him to be the hero and overcome. That promo lost a few points. Miz basically says he wants his rematch and Dolph then throws it to video of Miz’s sad face after losing the title that was GOLDEN SHIT. Dolph makes fun of Miz for crying and Miz gets stoic and says that the face represented everything he has worked for being stolen from him. The crowd chants “You were crying” and Miz throws a great zinger at them saying they’d never understand passion and I love it. Miz fires up and says he is not done and neither is the Spirit Squad. Oh no this is now a weekly thing? I will heavily pass. They announce that it will be a handicap match with The Spirit Squad and Dolph. Fuck.
Dolph Ziggler vs Ken Doane and Mike Mondo
Mauro Renallo tells us that “Daniel Ziggler” made this match. Oh wow. This is not the best showing so far for Team Blue. Ziggler makes the two goofs look like goofs. Mondo’s actually talented but he’s not in a position to get over. Miz huddles up with the boys and I die more because that’s hilarious that a Hollywood star would be friends with two middle-aged cheerleaders. Gotta love ‘rasslin. This is your typical handicap match with bullshit double teams and Miz distracting. Slater and Rhyno come in and save Dolph from triple teaming which really makes him look GREAT! *
We get hype for the tag match between Kane and Randy Orton against Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper. You have to be kidding me.
We get the heavily scripted Shane and Daniel Bryan announcement that Survivor Series will be a card dedicated to RAW vs SmackDown...only 4 months into a brand extension. So at a time when both brands should be focused on building their own stories and characters, they’re instead going to throw it all to the side and have some exhibition that probably would work better at WrestleMania.
Carmella is grating. We get more bullshit between Nikki and Carmella where Carmella comes out of nowhere to beat her up in the back. Great, more shitty matches.
Carmella vs Naomi
They could have something unique with Naomi but that would require pushing her well. I don’t have faith in that. Carmella of course takes her out before the bell and makes her look stupid. Alexa makes this better simply by watching the match with a bitch face. This just happened and Nikki bounced down to the ring to try something. A nothing match.
Alexa cuts a really awesome promo after the match and I’m a big fan.
Jimmy Uso vs Chad Gable
Gable takes down Jimmy right off the bat and gives him a mat lesson. This is a fairly basic match with a lot of rest holds which I’m not exactly big on. Gable does an awesome side twist flying clothesline which was cool. Then we get an armbreaker over the top rope but The Usos cheat for the pin like real dicks. Good stuff. **1/2
We get a backstage segment with The Hype Bros and we get a tease of some animosity between them. Then The Ascension shows up and stares at them. Spooky.
AJ Styles comes out to brag about No Mercy. This is the usual “I’m great” kind of affair and the gist is that he’s giving anyone in the building a match. Ambrose comes out and AJ says he isn’t talking about him. Ambrose says that AJ “don’t want none” of him and it is dumb. AJ says he has plans other than a match with Ambrose and out comes James Ellsworth. This is so ridiculous. AJ puts his arm around him and says he felt about about that tag match Ellsworth was screwed out of weeks ago. Strange continuity. He says Ellsworth deserves a NON-TITLE match and Ambrose is a public mark for Ellsworth and we get a huge pop for it. Daniel Bryan emerges to lay down some law. He says that AJ doesn’t run shit here and he thinks that the best thing to do is to start the match now but Ambrose has a job to do, that job is being the referee! Fantastic. Ambrose takes the ref’s shirt off and puts it on. Bryan lets us know that if AJ hits Ambrose he could be fined and/or suspended.
James Ellsworth vs AJ Styles
This is camp as camp gets. Ambrose takes his sweet time doing anything, including counting pinfalls or checking submissions. At one point he checks his phone while Ellsworth taps like hell to the Calf Crusher. AJ gets mega pissed and yet, he can’t touch Ambrose. This felt like an old school Memphis match in so many ways with Ambrose milking even the smallest things like weapon check before the bell. I was surprised at how much I really liked this because it wasn’t done in a poor way. I mean lets face it, AJ hasn’t been booked very smartly as champion so far anyways so having him do a mini-feud with a jobber isn’t all that out of the realm of possibility. Now rating it as a good match? That’s tough but as a spectacle this is first class! I think the highlight for me is when AJ shitcans Ellsworth to the floor and Ambrose states that “he’s just a child” to which AJ screams “no he’s not he’s a grown man!” This is just classic shit. JBL also gets the Danny Davis’ confused from WWF referee and Southern territories fame respectively. We get an awkward spot where Ambrose flirts with a ringside fan, I wonder how Renee felt about that one. Probably took it in stride she is great. Ambrose gets tired of playing games and drills AJ with Dirty Deeds and gives Ellsworth the big win. ***
Orton is backstage looking real paranoid. He finds Kane. They reminisce about the Stone Age, or sorry that was just my own personal hatred for Kane being on my TV. Orton tries to sound poetic and it fails. He says all that his life is about is pain. Orton says the voices in his head actually try to help him stop hurting people, but he doesn’t listen. Real psychopath. Kane says he is in. Real old weirdo.
We get the announcement of Ellsworth vs Styles for the title next week! Oh god, I must have more Memphis wrestling on my modern WWE TV.
Randy Orton and Kane vs Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper
I’m so damn happy Harper is back. The man is so good in the ring and has a very rare, crazed aura about him despite being a really nice guy by all accounts. Just for once can we get a strong Wyatts push? Sure it isn’t ever going to be as great as it would have been earlier but this IS salvageable. This match is very short which is good with Kane involved. Kane immediately beats up Harper which is just great. Harper gets things together though and in comes Bray to...get beat up some also. Bray has to retreat and has a look of complete fear. Orton and Harper start to fight next and Orton throws out a Bob Jr. Superplex for the family’s sake. Kane is in again and I snore/ Kane takes the dogshit worst whip into the barricade by going about -10 miles-per-hour. Orton goes fucking nuts on both of his opponents on the floor. Things get weird when the ref ignores the in-ring, legal action to scream at Kane which of course leads to Harper leveling Orton with a superkick. This is quite the sloppy one. The lights go out yet again and Harper is in Kane’s spot on the apron. Some real Vegas shit. Orton runs right into Bray’s Sister Abigail and gets pinned. This spooky stuff is pretty polarizing. **
The news hit Monday that Goldberg would be returning to WWE on the following week’s RAW program. This is amidst the rumors that he will be facing Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series in Toronto in November. I’m both intrigued and annoyed by this development. On one hand it is really fun to think about these two big, established stars go out and show off what they can do and hopefully we don’t just get the WrestleMania 20 kind of match. However, I look at this also as a potentially good example of a part-time former star being paid big money for short-term gains that don’t benefit the future stars. If Goldberg comes in and simply does a one-off program with Brock it could be very good at its best. Time, as always, will tell.
I can’t recommend RF Video’s Reflections interview with Broken Matt Hardy. I get that there are people that find the stuff that Hardy has done as of late with TNA as overproduced and corny but the man needs to be commended. He is unbelievable at keeping within kayfabe and he’s one of the very few that even knows what in the fuck that term means. He is fantastic and young wrestlers should actually learn from his dedication towards his “character”. I love that he never breaks and this interview is simply him grilling some goof that thinks he’s cute for trying to bring up Matt’s early career. Somehow, Matt nails the issues with modern wrestling right on the head, all the while still being “Broken” about it. He simply says that things in wrestling have gone far too much in the favor of “spot monkeys” and the essence of what wrestling was built on;simulated hand-to-hand combat, with a nice Shakespeare spin. I couldn’t agree more and while I love a really fun stunt show spotfest, I think it goes on far too much. A guy like Will Ospreay should be doing spot fests because that is HIS expertise and he is smaller which gives this said style a level of logic. Seeing a guy like Moose doing dives is just stupid because why would a man that can throw around the entire TNA roster or many other rosters jump around like a high flyer? Basics will always work.
RAW 10-10-16 Thoughts:
-Really Shocking News Alert: The New Day is fucking awesome. However, throwing them in a match at the pay-per-view with two guys that just weeks ago were in a heated war against each other doesn’t do them favors. Cesaro and Sheamus have a fun chemistry and it is a shame they’re going with an angle that is as overdone as a gas station pizza slice.
-The cruiserweights continue to bust ass but the crowds aren’t responding. Having Perkins do a fucking awful promo with video game cliches used in it was terrible. Perkins is already having to fight upstream and to give him a segment like that really hurt. Kendrick? He’s fucking fantastic let us hope he doesn’t get some of the same hatred.
- I hate white ropes. Like despise them. So when I saw that this show had the white ones, I lost my shit probably when it was unnecessary. I just hate how neutral that color is for the whole look of the ring and I love that RAW and SmackDown are different and that includes the ring ropes. Little things can make such a huge difference in the eyes of your paying public and don’t get me wrong that little detail isn’t going to kill RAW at all. It just doesn’t help me out when I look at them and want to destroy my TV.
-Sasha and Roman vs Rusev and Charlotte on paper looks phenomenal and perhaps the easiest match to get heat off of that RAW has. In practice this match was just DEAD. The boys and girls worked really hard to get them into it but they just weren’t buying what they were selling and since WWE has to have everything choreographed down to the last detail, they weren’t afforded the luxury of improving it to improve things.
- I liked the angle involving Owens winning the Universal title. I felt that they had so many different options and they did. There were a number of ways to make Triple H handing him that title something special and instead? We’ve gotten yet another half-assed angle. No mention of why Triple H did it. Nothing from him at all aside from some useless cameo on WWE.com after Night of Champions. Owens and Rollins deserve something they can sink their teeth into and they’re not getting it yet.
Sasha Banks starts the show with a promo after her Women’s Title win. She mentions that it is Eddie Guerrero’s birthday and talked about how he made her believe that this was her calling. Then she put over Lita and Trish Stratus for being the first women that made her want to be in WWE. Then she went further about her winning her second “RAW” Women’s Championship. A lot of the usual inspirational babyface stuff and Sasha’ fantastic. She’s got an insanely special charisma to her. She finally says she wants to make the rematch with Charlotte inside HELL IN A CELL. The fans react big and I immediately groan because I feel that this is a potential let down. It isn’t like they’re going to let those women go as wild as the men. So out comes Charlotte to answer Sasha’s challenge yet before she’s in the ring she’s interrupted by Charlotte and Rusev? This is great. Charlotte shoots daggers at Lana. Great. Young Buck Rusev comes out and says “no one cares about the stupid women’s revolution” and I fucking HOWL! What a damn heel he is godly. Charlotte rips the mic from Rusev! HOLY FUCK. Charlotte asks Rusev who the hell he thinks he is?! This is too much heat to handle. The fans actually pop for Charlotte though. Charlotte agrees to the HIAC and Rusev says that’s good, but still screw this he wasn’t finish “black swan” HOLY FUCK. Rusev just became my favorite. SASHA TAKES HIS MIC OUT OF HIS HAND AND TOSSES IT! This is too glorious. Lana has the mic now and says they’re “lost women who need to know their place”. Tremendous. CHARLOTTE AND SASHA SHOVE DOWN LANA. Segment of the year so far. Rusev is shitcanned by them ALSO. This is perfection and...Roman Reigns is here to add garbage to the festivities. WHAT A FUCKING JEER BY THE CROWD. There’s something strong in Roman and Rusev hating each other, it’s much like a modern day Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff...only if Magnum was the heel and Nikita the loved fan favorite. BUT HEY! We of course will get a mixed tag out of this...oh jesus.
We get the announcement of Jericho vs Rollins for the 99393 time tonight. Oh great, honestly they have good matches but why all the same matches? You can do things again and again but spice it up.
New Day asks Oakland to not dare be sour and feel that WWE Tag Champs power. I’m ok with it as always because these men are money. They almost can’t get their promo out because people love them. They talk about great pairs in sports and entertainment. Of course this leads to them stating their great, record setting title run. Big E awkwardly puts over Cesaro for being “handsome” and “thick AF” wow. Then they shit on Sheamus and it is awesome. Sheamus is apparently still BASURA! TRASH! HOT GARBAGE. Xavier might be the sickest man on the mic today, he just never gets flustered. Cesaro’s music interrupts and we get a nice pop for the Swiss Superman. As he should get because he’s great. Sheamus kind of...walks out from the back like the lackey he should be. We are told it will be a singles match between Cesaro and Kofi. Cesaro and Sheamus do the dueling taunts and obviously Cesaro is more over. Funny.
Kofi Kingston vs Cesaro
This is some pretty good stuff for a TV match. Cesaro continues to be perhaps the greatest television wrestler in this decade or longer by doing all his impressive shit. Kofi even marks out for him which was great. They do some moves and fakes for a while just like two faces would do. Cesaro and Kofi start to look like they’ll fist fight and Sheamus is nowhere around to help Cesaro against all three New Day members so it’s ignored for a commercial. Match comes back to Kofi in the driver’s seat. Cesaro comes back though and starts slinging around his awesome european uppercuts. Things end up pretty sloppy in the end, climaxing when Kofi botches a springboard that leads into a big swing attempt but Sheamus distracts Cesaro who gets rolled up. Cesaro is mad. Classic odd couple stuff. **
We get a replay of Goldberg on ESPN. He mentions not having to give Brock Lesnar a rematch, yet that would be the big match he’d take if he came back. What kind of dumb statement was that? Obviously this gives us the catalyst to the eventual match.
Bayley vs Cami Fields
Totally great reaction for Bayley here in her hometown area. She gets a job match yet she gives quite a bit to Cami in this. Reminded me a lot of the kind of job matches you’d see from the workhorses in Crockett where they’d give enough to the jobber before absolutely demolishing them in the end. Bayley works hard and does her best to be good at selling. At least she TRIES, too many don’t even know enough to do that. *
Dana Brooke blindsides Bayley and the INFLATABLE MEN DEFLATE OVER BAYLEY. Great image to build what might be a bullshit match. It’ll test Bayley’s ability to carry Dana that is for sure.
Jericho is in the back, on the phone. He’s putting himself over of course and R-Truth sees him and starts laughing behind his back. Jericho gets pissed and demands that the person on the phone get him a payday. R-Truth says don’t worry, I have one right here! Jericho says he meant an actual payday, not the candy. R-Truth apologizes and leaves. Jericho is mad he didn’t get it anyway and calls him a stupid idiot. Grand.
Drew Gulak and Tony Nese vs Lince Dorado and Sin Cara
It’s not a good thing when Sin Cara gets the biggest reaction between four men but it’s not fair either. He’s been on WWE TV for years and the other three are brand new. Gulak and Lince start off with some really fun lucha transitions. Gulak has enough and brings in Nese who also gets overwhelmed. Sin Cara tags in after a bit and starts doing more..stuff on Nese. That’s basically what this match was; stuff. Gulak tries to cheat but gets knocked down to the floor by Lince. Lince finds himself in the wrong side of town and gets cut off from Sin Cara for a while. We get a very cool Gory Special by Gulak. That gets the crowd up a bit also. Sin Cara was very good in this and perhaps he will find his niche in this new Cruiserweight division. I really enjoyed the spots between Lince and Gulak. Lince ends up getting the win with a Shooting Star Press on Gulak. I liked this quite a lot. ***
Foley is walking in the back with the worst combover and flannel suit in history. This man proves that you can’t judge people by their appearances or he’d be committed. Stephanie puts his wardrobe over in obvious sarcasm and asks if she can join him during his big “Hell in a Cell Address”. He says sure in the way that you’d say sure to your mother suggesting you go out with the girl next door that picks her scabs.
Next up is said Foley and Stephanie Address. Stephanie actually puts over the No Mercy show from the night before yet she also says Hell in a Cell will kill it. Stephanie gets her cheap pop in while saying Foley is going to add more to the big card. Foley says that the women “don’t get what they want because they want it, they get it because they get what they deserve”. Foley said that women deserve to make history so he’s going to make that match official. I also realize suddenly that this show is in Boston, one of Sasha’s backyards. This could be SPECIAL EDITION SHIT. Foley keeps on though and mentions that Rollins will get his rematch against Owens and that it will also be a Hell in a Cell match. That brings us up to three matches inside “Satan’s Playground”. Very TNA of them I must say yet car crashes always get some big crowds.
This brings out our Universal Champion Kevin Owens and his best friend Chris Jericho. Owens says this was a dumb decision because “I don’t wanna be in a Hell in a Cell because I want a long career unlike Foley”. This man is great in case you forgot. Jericho then goes into how Foley is nothing more than a genie in a stupid suit. Jericho goes into a list of demands that are silly and Foley scoffs at him. Jericho mentions a private jet for Owens and Jericho. Owens says that would be better than giving Rollins another match. Jericho says he knows Foley never liked him but it isn’t fair that Owens get hate. Foley in a classic moment says; “Hey I put you over to Paul Heyman for ECW but it is safe to say I’ve not liked you for 19 years”. Goddamn you Foley. Foley then begins to play along as Jericho milks putting him on the list and GETS A HUGE POP FOR PUTTING FOLEY ON THE LIST. Foley mentions how dumb this is and IS ON THE LIST AGAIN! Ok this is getting near the level of the opening segment. Stephanie fires up on Jericho and tells him to respect Foley. Stephanie says she doesn’t care what list she is on and Jericho comically writes on the list and says he isn’t writing. UNBELIEVABLE IT IS BETTER THAN THE OPENING SEGMENT NOW. Stephanie says that Seth Rollins is better than Jericho and Jericho says he’d like to see Rollins try. Stephanie mentions she wants this Jericho and Rollins match to have a stipulation. If Jericho wins, he will be added to the main event of HIAC and makes it a Triple Threat Match. Jericho smiles and clearly crosses Stephanie’s name out. CLASSIC SHIT. Owens is in complete shock by this.
Rollins himself is in the back, waiting to be interviewed by Charlie from SmackDown. Rollins says he’s not looking at his Jericho match differently. Rollins doesn’t care because he will beat Jericho, and go on to beat Owens inside Hell in a Cell. Rollins says that after Hell in a Cell, Stephanie’s plan B-Z will be “obsolete”. Let the TNA dorks freak out. Rollins says he was “the best piece” Stephanie ever had. No, seriously. This has gotten straight up creepy now.
This is the epitome of pointless. We are shown a backstage segment from the pre-show about how Axel and Dallas are a tag team now. Dallas is playing the brooding teenage goth apparently. What a fucking horrid idea this all is. Enzo and Cass deserve so much better. They are WHITE HOT right now and they’re having to fool with these goofs weekly. Anderson and Gallows assault Enzo and Cass from behind during their big schtick. Will this make them something? Doubtful but let us please hope something happens. Axel and Dallas say they still want a match and out comes Sami Zayn! Zayn waits a second and Neville’s music hits!
Neville and Zayn vs Dallas and Axel
Zayn takes the heat early on and god is he great at selling. He’s just great in general actually. Zayn slings Axel into the corner with a t-bone. Helluva Kick and Neville’s tagged in for Red Arrow! Dallas just stands there as Axel is beaten. Interesting. Fun to see Neville and Zayn tag but this was not anything. 1/2*
Apparently Titus is mad at R-Truth because Truth got his Payday sponsorship. Wow, great reason for a match.
R-Truth vs Titus O’Neil
Another nothing match that has no real rhyme or reason. Titus jobs as always. 1/2*
Kendrick is the back. Perkins shows up and Kendrick’s mad. Perkins tells him to “hit the pause button Greasier Jack Sparrow”. Perkins says Kendrick is afraid that he doesn’t have anymore lives left in this game. This is awful. Kendrick says he won last week and Perkins says he cheated. Perkins said that he would give him another shot anyway because of their history. Perkins talks about breaking his N64 and that Kendrick bought a new one. What the fuck. Bad promo. Kendrick makes this something at all and tries to sucker Perkins but Perkins is smart to it. Why can’t we have ORGANIC promos?
Braun Strowman vs The Splash Brothers
These jobbers were the epitome of garbage. They said their mom told them to always MAKE A SPLASH GET IT? Dumb. Strowman carves them up and eats them as usual. Cole loses his mind on a dropkick by Strowman which was great. 1/2*
Sasha is in the back and in comes Roman. He puts her over for making history and says something about how it doesn’t matter if the HIAC match is permanent, tonight is what matters. Yeah I mean who cares about career ending injuries and shit. Sasha says he just needs to take care of Rusev, believe that.
Charlotte and Rusev vs Sasha Banks and Roman Reigns
This should have had way more heat than it did. Roman and Rusev start out and have a weird lock up where they lurch around until they tie up. Shoulder block and a spin kick from both guys respectively. Rusev beats on Roman in the corner, trying ANYTHING to get this crowd to give a fuck. The fans start to finally care when Roman and Rusev just clobber the shit out of each other like only they can. The fans demand Sasha which was awesome but what did we get? A shit Roman shine segment. Roman tries for his spear but Charlotte snatches his leg. Sasha runs around and clobbers Charlotte. Rusev and Charlotte are both on the floor selling, looking pissed. Rusev has the heat on Roman after a commercial break and Roman quickly fights back to his feet to set up for that Sasha Banks hot tag! Rusev does more things though before this happens. Roman stumbles around while Rusev beats on him and throws him around. Great sell job there dude. Lana and Charlotte are caught talking to each other like catty bitches and I LOVE IT. Rusev tells Sasha he sees her and she cowers. Roman nails the Superman Punch and we get our opening for the tag. Charlotte also begs for a tag and gets the blind tag on Rusev and IN COMES SASHA. Sasha is throwing dropkicks like hell and that great knee. Running Meteora is awesome. Charlotte retreats to a corner but Sasha makes her pay with the double knees to the abs. Near fall. Bank Statement on Charlotte and Roman dives completely over both women and nails a very cool looking Spear on Rusev! Charlotte taps for the win. I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. ***1/2
Tom Phillips is backstage with Owens and Jericho. He asks a question but Jericho says that isn’t even a question, it is parlance, it is jargon, and more importantly it is a stupid idiom! Gold! Owens says he’ll still answer his non-question and goes on to say that he doesn’t care about a Triple Threat because it’ll really be a handicap match with Rollins if Jericho wins tonight. We definitely sense a tad of uneasiness and Owens kicks Phillips out. He doesn’t move. Jericho says that Phillips is on The List for it. Phillips says Phillipe Tomistein is the name on the list. I’m dying.
Paul Heyman comes out to address Goldberg. He says his usual lines about Brock Lesnar’s greatness and warns Goldberg that challenging Brock in real life isn’t like WWE 2K17. Heyman never wrestles yet gets more over than the vast majority of the roster because he gets IT. Heyman cues up gameplay footage of Lesnar vs Goldberg. Thanks? Anyways it is just whatever. Heyman then proceeds to hype up Goldberg for him which was great. He also manipulates the crowd into a Goldberg chant and feigns anger. Genius. Heyman tries to mention that both Lesnar and Goldberg were running parallel as if Brock was in WWF in the late 90‘s somehow. Strange line. The important part is that Heyman issues a challenge for Goldberg by Lesnar.
TJ Perkins vs Ariya Daivari
Perkins’ entrance theme is so awesome but damn that backstage promo was bad. Why does he have to use gamer cliches? One thing they can’t ruin is his in-ring ability. Kendrick was fantastic on commentary during this match really putting over how important becoming Cruiserweight Champion is for him. Perkins goes through his Rolodex of amazing moves and Daivari is just there to be bumped around mostly. Daivari is just a guy from what I saw. Perkins pulled out the wheelbarrow bulldog and it looked great. They really have some good false finishes though late in the match that make Daivari look much better. He takes one too many chances though and Perkins makes him pay for it. Good stuff. ***
Jericho is backstage and Stephanie stops him. She admires his scarf and Jericho mentions that “it is really big this time of year in Luxemburg.” God this man deserves everything. Jericho admits that he wrote her name down, but he didn’t know how to spell Stephanie so he scratched it out. Stephanie wants a peek at the list but Jericho mentions it is “only for him” despite posting a picture of it on his Facebook. Then again he’s a heel! Owens comes up and asks what the hell that conversation was about? Jericho states friendship very cryptically.
Tito Santana is the focus of the Hispanic Heritage Month spotlights every week. Bravo, Tito!
Chris Jericho vs Seth Rollins
Jericho milks the start like a true pro. The scarf he has on is launched into Rollins’ face and Rollins stomps the piss out of him into the corner then wipes his ass with the scarf and throws it at Jericho! Good schtick. Jericho rakes the eyes to get the heat and chops Rollins like an evil man. Rollins gets back into things and kicks the pecs off of Jericho. Jericho tries hiding behind the ref but it doesn’t work. Blockbuster by Rollins is a nice sight for us late 90‘s WCW watchers. Jericho retreats to the floor but eats a baseball slide by Rollins and is tossed into the barricade. He looks hurt, oh no! Owens’ music interrupts things and down to the ring comes the champion. Rollins turns around and Jericho takes advantage by throwing him ribs first onto the ropes! Nice callback to Night of Champions and his injury. Jericho takes over naturally and Owens coaches him on. Jericho, being a smart worker, focuses on the ribs and lower back for the rest of the match. Rollins looks fucked as Jericho hits more offense. Jericho messes up and slaps Rollins around and we get Rollins firing up just to be neutralized by an abdominal stretch. Great stuff! Flatliner into the second turnbuckle changes things though for Jericho. Rollins nails an enzugiri at one point that looks really rough and Jericho takes forearms in the corner for his troubles. Slingblade as well for a near fall. Rollins tries stuff but his ribs keep him subdued. Rollins finally does a strange backbreaker to give us all hope. Jericho counters a cross body with a dropkick to the ribs for a near fall after a spell. This is quite the match I must say, a lot better than their most recent matches. Owens tells Jericho after a Codebreaker is countered to “make him drink it” which I think was sound advice. We get strikes exchanged, Rollins’ high knee being the paramount moment. Rollins finds himself on the apron and he kicks Owens who’s on the floor but takes too much time. Jericho sinks in Walls of Jericho! Rollins is fighting like hell. Rollins wills himself to the ropes though and gets a big pop for it. Rollins eats a superkick from the floor by Owens but it isn’t enough to put him away. Oh wow. Rollins is in a bad way and Jericho tries for his middle rope dropkick to the apron but Rollins moves. Rollins hits a suicide dive but on Owens. Jericho rolls in behind him and again, Rollins plays the dumb face that WWE loves so much. Jericho rushes him but eats an enzugiri followed by a sprinboard high knee for a near fall. Jericho’s bump was really bad and both guys crash to the mat together. Rollins tries for his frog splash and misses, setting up a Lionsault for the near fall! This crowd has come unglued for this one. Jericho takes too much time himself while going up to the top and Rollins catches him on it. They fight up top and Jericho finally gets some separation yet Rollins tries for a Pedigree. There is a serious of roll ups and Jericho goes for the Walls but Rollins finally reverses for the pin. Owens immediately hits the ring and pounds on Rollins. Graves is the man of reason, stating that Owens should be glad because at least now it is only one-on-one but Vince doesn’t agree apparently. Owens goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb but is countered into a Pedigree until Jericho blindsides him. Rollins escapes his onslaught though and finally hits a Pedigree on Jericho. Owens is up the ramp, snorting mad with his title. ***1/2
Overall thoughts: I really liked this show. I felt like the in-ring action was much better than the card last week aside from that Women’s Title main event. I felt like the cruiserweight division was building much better and the fans were clearly more into them this week. The mixed tag was much better than I’d heard some state online in my eyes and very different. The main event was easily Rollins and Jericho’s best match together and did well to make me care about the weeks leading into this next big show aside from the obvious logic fails with Owens.
RASSLE TRIBUNE #3
Things Happened in Wrestling! WWE builds towards another old star’s return, SmackDown gets silly, RAW gets sillerious? NJPW Hits a Home Run, and TNA!
So I must mention in full disclosure that this issue is heavily rushed due to some wild day-job related activities. One being getting no sleep and that not being tied to my ‘rasslin fixes. It’s really a tragedy when you can’t even fixate yourself onto the wacky world we all know and love to wind down after days of dealing with complete bullshit. Yet ALAS! I don’t take no shit and I don’t let time or sleep keep me from this damn, beautiful work that I do. So let us just get our asses into it all!
Hayabusa vs Jushin Thunder Liger, NJPW Super J-Cup 1994
When you can say a match starts with a dive, I feel like you’re really in a great place. So this is how Hayabusa looks at ring psychology: is the man on the floor? Then he will be dove upon and given every move ever until either I job out or he dies at my feet. I must say I appreciate this philosophy. Liger’s philosophy? Whipping your ass! Hence, we get a damn fun match. It could be argued that this year is the peak of either man and this match shows quite a lot in that regard. Hayabusa just throws everything out there and really looks great...until he botches a Shooting Star Press horribly ON THE MAN THAT INVENTED THE FUCKING MOVE! Hayabusa really was the Japanese Sabu after all. I still have to recommend this match as well as any other work from both men, especially Haybusa who’s career ended far too soon due to injury. Hayabusa does bust out a bizarre, almost reverse half crab hold that looks both parts hurty and cool. Liger is so fucking awesome here as clearly the better worker and he shows what it takes to be a top star in wrestling, not just Japan. He shows that mean streak that we all have loved from his work that know him, and also shows incredible grace in the same moment. If this was 1994, you’d be shitting yourself seeing what these two do at a time when Bret Hart and Yokozuna were doing plodding, WWF main events. And Hulk Hogan was in WCW, just let this all sink in people. ****
So I figured out a way to watch WWE and not pull my hair out: watch SmackDown first, RAW second. I do this because RAW is much like European beers; it is quite heavy and bloated. Three hours for a wrestling show is just death. SmackDown is much like a nice, Mexican cerveza; light, pleasant, and leaving you wanting more...sometimes anyways. Thus! We start our week with SmackDown’s No Mercy fallout show.
WWE SmackDown 10-11-2016:
Whoever made the “Give me Dolph or Give me Death” sign is a brilliant person! It’s amazing how a guy I thought was done finds himself at least over in some way again. Is he Cena 2.0? No one is but hey Dolph never lost his pushes because he wasn’t good. The guy is really awesome in the ring when motivated and underrated on the mic when, again, he’s motivated.
Dolph talks about how he didn’t know if he was going to win. Way to show you have very little faith in yourself, like many others in the crowd and the said crowd sit on their hands for this promo. Insert the usual “I almost lost it all” cliches in wrestling. In a very odd moment, he mentions that if you don’t believe him about not knowing about his win, he says “go check your guide and hit the info button”. That’s about as Vince Russo as it gets for 2016. He’s saying this TO A LIVE CROWD AS WELL. And that crowd responded with..nothing. Miz comes out to SAVE THE FUCKING DAY! Miz and Maryse are in all black looking somber as hell. They simply come in and take a moment of silence and boos fucking GROW. This man is the best heel in wrestling today. Miz shushes Ziggler and says he’s mourning the death of the IC Title and I die. Miz then proceeds to cut a fantastic promo about his run and how he brought prestige to the title. This garners a mixed reaction actually which shows how much respect Miz has gained over the last couple of years. Miz says now the title is mediocre at best because DOLPH is mediocre. Miz flubs a line about how it’s time for him to be the hero and overcome. That promo lost a few points. Miz basically says he wants his rematch and Dolph then throws it to video of Miz’s sad face after losing the title that was GOLDEN SHIT. Dolph makes fun of Miz for crying and Miz gets stoic and says that the face represented everything he has worked for being stolen from him. The crowd chants “You were crying” and Miz throws a great zinger at them saying they’d never understand passion and I love it. Miz fires up and says he is not done and neither is the Spirit Squad. Oh no this is now a weekly thing? I will heavily pass. They announce that it will be a handicap match with The Spirit Squad and Dolph. Fuck.
Dolph Ziggler vs Ken Doane and Mike Mondo
Mauro Renallo tells us that “Daniel Ziggler” made this match. Oh wow. This is not the best showing so far for Team Blue. Ziggler makes the two goofs look like goofs. Mondo’s actually talented but he’s not in a position to get over. Miz huddles up with the boys and I die more because that’s hilarious that a Hollywood star would be friends with two middle-aged cheerleaders. Gotta love ‘rasslin. This is your typical handicap match with bullshit double teams and Miz distracting. Slater and Rhyno come in and save Dolph from triple teaming which really makes him look GREAT! *
We get hype for the tag match between Kane and Randy Orton against Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper. You have to be kidding me.
We get the heavily scripted Shane and Daniel Bryan announcement that Survivor Series will be a card dedicated to RAW vs SmackDown...only 4 months into a brand extension. So at a time when both brands should be focused on building their own stories and characters, they’re instead going to throw it all to the side and have some exhibition that probably would work better at WrestleMania.
Carmella is grating. We get more bullshit between Nikki and Carmella where Carmella comes out of nowhere to beat her up in the back. Great, more shitty matches.
Carmella vs Naomi
They could have something unique with Naomi but that would require pushing her well. I don’t have faith in that. Carmella of course takes her out before the bell and makes her look stupid. Alexa makes this better simply by watching the match with a bitch face. This just happened and Nikki bounced down to the ring to try something. A nothing match.
Alexa cuts a really awesome promo after the match and I’m a big fan.
Jimmy Uso vs Chad Gable
Gable takes down Jimmy right off the bat and gives him a mat lesson. This is a fairly basic match with a lot of rest holds which I’m not exactly big on. Gable does an awesome side twist flying clothesline which was cool. Then we get an armbreaker over the top rope but The Usos cheat for the pin like real dicks. Good stuff. **1/2
We get a backstage segment with The Hype Bros and we get a tease of some animosity between them. Then The Ascension shows up and stares at them. Spooky.
AJ Styles comes out to brag about No Mercy. This is the usual “I’m great” kind of affair and the gist is that he’s giving anyone in the building a match. Ambrose comes out and AJ says he isn’t talking about him. Ambrose says that AJ “don’t want none” of him and it is dumb. AJ says he has plans other than a match with Ambrose and out comes James Ellsworth. This is so ridiculous. AJ puts his arm around him and says he felt about about that tag match Ellsworth was screwed out of weeks ago. Strange continuity. He says Ellsworth deserves a NON-TITLE match and Ambrose is a public mark for Ellsworth and we get a huge pop for it. Daniel Bryan emerges to lay down some law. He says that AJ doesn’t run shit here and he thinks that the best thing to do is to start the match now but Ambrose has a job to do, that job is being the referee! Fantastic. Ambrose takes the ref’s shirt off and puts it on. Bryan lets us know that if AJ hits Ambrose he could be fined and/or suspended.
James Ellsworth vs AJ Styles
This is camp as camp gets. Ambrose takes his sweet time doing anything, including counting pinfalls or checking submissions. At one point he checks his phone while Ellsworth taps like hell to the Calf Crusher. AJ gets mega pissed and yet, he can’t touch Ambrose. This felt like an old school Memphis match in so many ways with Ambrose milking even the smallest things like weapon check before the bell. I was surprised at how much I really liked this because it wasn’t done in a poor way. I mean lets face it, AJ hasn’t been booked very smartly as champion so far anyways so having him do a mini-feud with a jobber isn’t all that out of the realm of possibility. Now rating it as a good match? That’s tough but as a spectacle this is first class! I think the highlight for me is when AJ shitcans Ellsworth to the floor and Ambrose states that “he’s just a child” to which AJ screams “no he’s not he’s a grown man!” This is just classic shit. JBL also gets the Danny Davis’ confused from WWF referee and Southern territories fame respectively. We get an awkward spot where Ambrose flirts with a ringside fan, I wonder how Renee felt about that one. Probably took it in stride she is great. Ambrose gets tired of playing games and drills AJ with Dirty Deeds and gives Ellsworth the big win. ***
Orton is backstage looking real paranoid. He finds Kane. They reminisce about the Stone Age, or sorry that was just my own personal hatred for Kane being on my TV. Orton tries to sound poetic and it fails. He says all that his life is about is pain. Orton says the voices in his head actually try to help him stop hurting people, but he doesn’t listen. Real psychopath. Kane says he is in. Real old weirdo.
We get the announcement of Ellsworth vs Styles for the title next week! Oh god, I must have more Memphis wrestling on my modern WWE TV.
Randy Orton and Kane vs Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper
I’m so damn happy Harper is back. The man is so good in the ring and has a very rare, crazed aura about him despite being a really nice guy by all accounts. Just for once can we get a strong Wyatts push? Sure it isn’t ever going to be as great as it would have been earlier but this IS salvageable. This match is very short which is good with Kane involved. Kane immediately beats up Harper which is just great. Harper gets things together though and in comes Bray to...get beat up some also. Bray has to retreat and has a look of complete fear. Orton and Harper start to fight next and Orton throws out a Bob Jr. Superplex for the family’s sake. Kane is in again and I snore/ Kane takes the dogshit worst whip into the barricade by going about -10 miles-per-hour. Orton goes fucking nuts on both of his opponents on the floor. Things get weird when the ref ignores the in-ring, legal action to scream at Kane which of course leads to Harper leveling Orton with a superkick. This is quite the sloppy one. The lights go out yet again and Harper is in Kane’s spot on the apron. Some real Vegas shit. Orton runs right into Bray’s Sister Abigail and gets pinned. This spooky stuff is pretty polarizing. **
The news hit Monday that Goldberg would be returning to WWE on the following week’s RAW program. This is amidst the rumors that he will be facing Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series in Toronto in November. I’m both intrigued and annoyed by this development. On one hand it is really fun to think about these two big, established stars go out and show off what they can do and hopefully we don’t just get the WrestleMania 20 kind of match. However, I look at this also as a potentially good example of a part-time former star being paid big money for short-term gains that don’t benefit the future stars. If Goldberg comes in and simply does a one-off program with Brock it could be very good at its best. Time, as always, will tell.
I can’t recommend RF Video’s Reflections interview with Broken Matt Hardy. I get that there are people that find the stuff that Hardy has done as of late with TNA as overproduced and corny but the man needs to be commended. He is unbelievable at keeping within kayfabe and he’s one of the very few that even knows what in the fuck that term means. He is fantastic and young wrestlers should actually learn from his dedication towards his “character”. I love that he never breaks and this interview is simply him grilling some goof that thinks he’s cute for trying to bring up Matt’s early career. Somehow, Matt nails the issues with modern wrestling right on the head, all the while still being “Broken” about it. He simply says that things in wrestling have gone far too much in the favor of “spot monkeys” and the essence of what wrestling was built on;simulated hand-to-hand combat, with a nice Shakespeare spin. I couldn’t agree more and while I love a really fun stunt show spotfest, I think it goes on far too much. A guy like Will Ospreay should be doing spot fests because that is HIS expertise and he is smaller which gives this said style a level of logic. Seeing a guy like Moose doing dives is just stupid because why would a man that can throw around the entire TNA roster or many other rosters jump around like a high flyer? Basics will always work.
RAW 10-10-16 Thoughts:
-Really Shocking News Alert: The New Day is fucking awesome. However, throwing them in a match at the pay-per-view with two guys that just weeks ago were in a heated war against each other doesn’t do them favors. Cesaro and Sheamus have a fun chemistry and it is a shame they’re going with an angle that is as overdone as a gas station pizza slice.
-The cruiserweights continue to bust ass but the crowds aren’t responding. Having Perkins do a fucking awful promo with video game cliches used in it was terrible. Perkins is already having to fight upstream and to give him a segment like that really hurt. Kendrick? He’s fucking fantastic let us hope he doesn’t get some of the same hatred.
- I hate white ropes. Like despise them. So when I saw that this show had the white ones, I lost my shit probably when it was unnecessary. I just hate how neutral that color is for the whole look of the ring and I love that RAW and SmackDown are different and that includes the ring ropes. Little things can make such a huge difference in the eyes of your paying public and don’t get me wrong that little detail isn’t going to kill RAW at all. It just doesn’t help me out when I look at them and want to destroy my TV.
-Sasha and Roman vs Rusev and Charlotte on paper looks phenomenal and perhaps the easiest match to get heat off of that RAW has. In practice this match was just DEAD. The boys and girls worked really hard to get them into it but they just weren’t buying what they were selling and since WWE has to have everything choreographed down to the last detail, they weren’t afforded the luxury of improving it to improve things.
- I liked the angle involving Owens winning the Universal title. I felt that they had so many different options and they did. There were a number of ways to make Triple H handing him that title something special and instead? We’ve gotten yet another half-assed angle. No mention of why Triple H did it. Nothing from him at all aside from some useless cameo on WWE.com after Night of Champions. Owens and Rollins deserve something they can sink their teeth into and they’re not getting it yet.
Sasha Banks starts the show with a promo after her Women’s Title win. She mentions that it is Eddie Guerrero’s birthday and talked about how he made her believe that this was her calling. Then she put over Lita and Trish Stratus for being the first women that made her want to be in WWE. Then she went further about her winning her second “RAW” Women’s Championship. A lot of the usual inspirational babyface stuff and Sasha’ fantastic. She’s got an insanely special charisma to her. She finally says she wants to make the rematch with Charlotte inside HELL IN A CELL. The fans react big and I immediately groan because I feel that this is a potential let down. It isn’t like they’re going to let those women go as wild as the men. So out comes Charlotte to answer Sasha’s challenge yet before she’s in the ring she’s interrupted by Charlotte and Rusev? This is great. Charlotte shoots daggers at Lana. Great. Young Buck Rusev comes out and says “no one cares about the stupid women’s revolution” and I fucking HOWL! What a damn heel he is godly. Charlotte rips the mic from Rusev! HOLY FUCK. Charlotte asks Rusev who the hell he thinks he is?! This is too much heat to handle. The fans actually pop for Charlotte though. Charlotte agrees to the HIAC and Rusev says that’s good, but still screw this he wasn’t finish “black swan” HOLY FUCK. Rusev just became my favorite. SASHA TAKES HIS MIC OUT OF HIS HAND AND TOSSES IT! This is too glorious. Lana has the mic now and says they’re “lost women who need to know their place”. Tremendous. CHARLOTTE AND SASHA SHOVE DOWN LANA. Segment of the year so far. Rusev is shitcanned by them ALSO. This is perfection and...Roman Reigns is here to add garbage to the festivities. WHAT A FUCKING JEER BY THE CROWD. There’s something strong in Roman and Rusev hating each other, it’s much like a modern day Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff...only if Magnum was the heel and Nikita the loved fan favorite. BUT HEY! We of course will get a mixed tag out of this...oh jesus.
We get the announcement of Jericho vs Rollins for the 99393 time tonight. Oh great, honestly they have good matches but why all the same matches? You can do things again and again but spice it up.
New Day asks Oakland to not dare be sour and feel that WWE Tag Champs power. I’m ok with it as always because these men are money. They almost can’t get their promo out because people love them. They talk about great pairs in sports and entertainment. Of course this leads to them stating their great, record setting title run. Big E awkwardly puts over Cesaro for being “handsome” and “thick AF” wow. Then they shit on Sheamus and it is awesome. Sheamus is apparently still BASURA! TRASH! HOT GARBAGE. Xavier might be the sickest man on the mic today, he just never gets flustered. Cesaro’s music interrupts and we get a nice pop for the Swiss Superman. As he should get because he’s great. Sheamus kind of...walks out from the back like the lackey he should be. We are told it will be a singles match between Cesaro and Kofi. Cesaro and Sheamus do the dueling taunts and obviously Cesaro is more over. Funny.
Kofi Kingston vs Cesaro
This is some pretty good stuff for a TV match. Cesaro continues to be perhaps the greatest television wrestler in this decade or longer by doing all his impressive shit. Kofi even marks out for him which was great. They do some moves and fakes for a while just like two faces would do. Cesaro and Kofi start to look like they’ll fist fight and Sheamus is nowhere around to help Cesaro against all three New Day members so it’s ignored for a commercial. Match comes back to Kofi in the driver’s seat. Cesaro comes back though and starts slinging around his awesome european uppercuts. Things end up pretty sloppy in the end, climaxing when Kofi botches a springboard that leads into a big swing attempt but Sheamus distracts Cesaro who gets rolled up. Cesaro is mad. Classic odd couple stuff. **
We get a replay of Goldberg on ESPN. He mentions not having to give Brock Lesnar a rematch, yet that would be the big match he’d take if he came back. What kind of dumb statement was that? Obviously this gives us the catalyst to the eventual match.
Bayley vs Cami Fields
Totally great reaction for Bayley here in her hometown area. She gets a job match yet she gives quite a bit to Cami in this. Reminded me a lot of the kind of job matches you’d see from the workhorses in Crockett where they’d give enough to the jobber before absolutely demolishing them in the end. Bayley works hard and does her best to be good at selling. At least she TRIES, too many don’t even know enough to do that. *
Dana Brooke blindsides Bayley and the INFLATABLE MEN DEFLATE OVER BAYLEY. Great image to build what might be a bullshit match. It’ll test Bayley’s ability to carry Dana that is for sure.
Jericho is in the back, on the phone. He’s putting himself over of course and R-Truth sees him and starts laughing behind his back. Jericho gets pissed and demands that the person on the phone get him a payday. R-Truth says don’t worry, I have one right here! Jericho says he meant an actual payday, not the candy. R-Truth apologizes and leaves. Jericho is mad he didn’t get it anyway and calls him a stupid idiot. Grand.
Drew Gulak and Tony Nese vs Lince Dorado and Sin Cara
It’s not a good thing when Sin Cara gets the biggest reaction between four men but it’s not fair either. He’s been on WWE TV for years and the other three are brand new. Gulak and Lince start off with some really fun lucha transitions. Gulak has enough and brings in Nese who also gets overwhelmed. Sin Cara tags in after a bit and starts doing more..stuff on Nese. That’s basically what this match was; stuff. Gulak tries to cheat but gets knocked down to the floor by Lince. Lince finds himself in the wrong side of town and gets cut off from Sin Cara for a while. We get a very cool Gory Special by Gulak. That gets the crowd up a bit also. Sin Cara was very good in this and perhaps he will find his niche in this new Cruiserweight division. I really enjoyed the spots between Lince and Gulak. Lince ends up getting the win with a Shooting Star Press on Gulak. I liked this quite a lot. ***
Foley is walking in the back with the worst combover and flannel suit in history. This man proves that you can’t judge people by their appearances or he’d be committed. Stephanie puts his wardrobe over in obvious sarcasm and asks if she can join him during his big “Hell in a Cell Address”. He says sure in the way that you’d say sure to your mother suggesting you go out with the girl next door that picks her scabs.
Next up is said Foley and Stephanie Address. Stephanie actually puts over the No Mercy show from the night before yet she also says Hell in a Cell will kill it. Stephanie gets her cheap pop in while saying Foley is going to add more to the big card. Foley says that the women “don’t get what they want because they want it, they get it because they get what they deserve”. Foley said that women deserve to make history so he’s going to make that match official. I also realize suddenly that this show is in Boston, one of Sasha’s backyards. This could be SPECIAL EDITION SHIT. Foley keeps on though and mentions that Rollins will get his rematch against Owens and that it will also be a Hell in a Cell match. That brings us up to three matches inside “Satan’s Playground”. Very TNA of them I must say yet car crashes always get some big crowds.
This brings out our Universal Champion Kevin Owens and his best friend Chris Jericho. Owens says this was a dumb decision because “I don’t wanna be in a Hell in a Cell because I want a long career unlike Foley”. This man is great in case you forgot. Jericho then goes into how Foley is nothing more than a genie in a stupid suit. Jericho goes into a list of demands that are silly and Foley scoffs at him. Jericho mentions a private jet for Owens and Jericho. Owens says that would be better than giving Rollins another match. Jericho says he knows Foley never liked him but it isn’t fair that Owens get hate. Foley in a classic moment says; “Hey I put you over to Paul Heyman for ECW but it is safe to say I’ve not liked you for 19 years”. Goddamn you Foley. Foley then begins to play along as Jericho milks putting him on the list and GETS A HUGE POP FOR PUTTING FOLEY ON THE LIST. Foley mentions how dumb this is and IS ON THE LIST AGAIN! Ok this is getting near the level of the opening segment. Stephanie fires up on Jericho and tells him to respect Foley. Stephanie says she doesn’t care what list she is on and Jericho comically writes on the list and says he isn’t writing. UNBELIEVABLE IT IS BETTER THAN THE OPENING SEGMENT NOW. Stephanie says that Seth Rollins is better than Jericho and Jericho says he’d like to see Rollins try. Stephanie mentions she wants this Jericho and Rollins match to have a stipulation. If Jericho wins, he will be added to the main event of HIAC and makes it a Triple Threat Match. Jericho smiles and clearly crosses Stephanie’s name out. CLASSIC SHIT. Owens is in complete shock by this.
Rollins himself is in the back, waiting to be interviewed by Charlie from SmackDown. Rollins says he’s not looking at his Jericho match differently. Rollins doesn’t care because he will beat Jericho, and go on to beat Owens inside Hell in a Cell. Rollins says that after Hell in a Cell, Stephanie’s plan B-Z will be “obsolete”. Let the TNA dorks freak out. Rollins says he was “the best piece” Stephanie ever had. No, seriously. This has gotten straight up creepy now.
This is the epitome of pointless. We are shown a backstage segment from the pre-show about how Axel and Dallas are a tag team now. Dallas is playing the brooding teenage goth apparently. What a fucking horrid idea this all is. Enzo and Cass deserve so much better. They are WHITE HOT right now and they’re having to fool with these goofs weekly. Anderson and Gallows assault Enzo and Cass from behind during their big schtick. Will this make them something? Doubtful but let us please hope something happens. Axel and Dallas say they still want a match and out comes Sami Zayn! Zayn waits a second and Neville’s music hits!
Neville and Zayn vs Dallas and Axel
Zayn takes the heat early on and god is he great at selling. He’s just great in general actually. Zayn slings Axel into the corner with a t-bone. Helluva Kick and Neville’s tagged in for Red Arrow! Dallas just stands there as Axel is beaten. Interesting. Fun to see Neville and Zayn tag but this was not anything. 1/2*
Apparently Titus is mad at R-Truth because Truth got his Payday sponsorship. Wow, great reason for a match.
R-Truth vs Titus O’Neil
Another nothing match that has no real rhyme or reason. Titus jobs as always. 1/2*
Kendrick is the back. Perkins shows up and Kendrick’s mad. Perkins tells him to “hit the pause button Greasier Jack Sparrow”. Perkins says Kendrick is afraid that he doesn’t have anymore lives left in this game. This is awful. Kendrick says he won last week and Perkins says he cheated. Perkins said that he would give him another shot anyway because of their history. Perkins talks about breaking his N64 and that Kendrick bought a new one. What the fuck. Bad promo. Kendrick makes this something at all and tries to sucker Perkins but Perkins is smart to it. Why can’t we have ORGANIC promos?
Braun Strowman vs The Splash Brothers
These jobbers were the epitome of garbage. They said their mom told them to always MAKE A SPLASH GET IT? Dumb. Strowman carves them up and eats them as usual. Cole loses his mind on a dropkick by Strowman which was great. 1/2*
Sasha is in the back and in comes Roman. He puts her over for making history and says something about how it doesn’t matter if the HIAC match is permanent, tonight is what matters. Yeah I mean who cares about career ending injuries and shit. Sasha says he just needs to take care of Rusev, believe that.
Charlotte and Rusev vs Sasha Banks and Roman Reigns
This should have had way more heat than it did. Roman and Rusev start out and have a weird lock up where they lurch around until they tie up. Shoulder block and a spin kick from both guys respectively. Rusev beats on Roman in the corner, trying ANYTHING to get this crowd to give a fuck. The fans start to finally care when Roman and Rusev just clobber the shit out of each other like only they can. The fans demand Sasha which was awesome but what did we get? A shit Roman shine segment. Roman tries for his spear but Charlotte snatches his leg. Sasha runs around and clobbers Charlotte. Rusev and Charlotte are both on the floor selling, looking pissed. Rusev has the heat on Roman after a commercial break and Roman quickly fights back to his feet to set up for that Sasha Banks hot tag! Rusev does more things though before this happens. Roman stumbles around while Rusev beats on him and throws him around. Great sell job there dude. Lana and Charlotte are caught talking to each other like catty bitches and I LOVE IT. Rusev tells Sasha he sees her and she cowers. Roman nails the Superman Punch and we get our opening for the tag. Charlotte also begs for a tag and gets the blind tag on Rusev and IN COMES SASHA. Sasha is throwing dropkicks like hell and that great knee. Running Meteora is awesome. Charlotte retreats to a corner but Sasha makes her pay with the double knees to the abs. Near fall. Bank Statement on Charlotte and Roman dives completely over both women and nails a very cool looking Spear on Rusev! Charlotte taps for the win. I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. ***1/2
Tom Phillips is backstage with Owens and Jericho. He asks a question but Jericho says that isn’t even a question, it is parlance, it is jargon, and more importantly it is a stupid idiom! Gold! Owens says he’ll still answer his non-question and goes on to say that he doesn’t care about a Triple Threat because it’ll really be a handicap match with Rollins if Jericho wins tonight. We definitely sense a tad of uneasiness and Owens kicks Phillips out. He doesn’t move. Jericho says that Phillips is on The List for it. Phillips says Phillipe Tomistein is the name on the list. I’m dying.
Paul Heyman comes out to address Goldberg. He says his usual lines about Brock Lesnar’s greatness and warns Goldberg that challenging Brock in real life isn’t like WWE 2K17. Heyman never wrestles yet gets more over than the vast majority of the roster because he gets IT. Heyman cues up gameplay footage of Lesnar vs Goldberg. Thanks? Anyways it is just whatever. Heyman then proceeds to hype up Goldberg for him which was great. He also manipulates the crowd into a Goldberg chant and feigns anger. Genius. Heyman tries to mention that both Lesnar and Goldberg were running parallel as if Brock was in WWF in the late 90‘s somehow. Strange line. The important part is that Heyman issues a challenge for Goldberg by Lesnar.
TJ Perkins vs Ariya Daivari
Perkins’ entrance theme is so awesome but damn that backstage promo was bad. Why does he have to use gamer cliches? One thing they can’t ruin is his in-ring ability. Kendrick was fantastic on commentary during this match really putting over how important becoming Cruiserweight Champion is for him. Perkins goes through his Rolodex of amazing moves and Daivari is just there to be bumped around mostly. Daivari is just a guy from what I saw. Perkins pulled out the wheelbarrow bulldog and it looked great. They really have some good false finishes though late in the match that make Daivari look much better. He takes one too many chances though and Perkins makes him pay for it. Good stuff. ***
Jericho is backstage and Stephanie stops him. She admires his scarf and Jericho mentions that “it is really big this time of year in Luxemburg.” God this man deserves everything. Jericho admits that he wrote her name down, but he didn’t know how to spell Stephanie so he scratched it out. Stephanie wants a peek at the list but Jericho mentions it is “only for him” despite posting a picture of it on his Facebook. Then again he’s a heel! Owens comes up and asks what the hell that conversation was about? Jericho states friendship very cryptically.
Tito Santana is the focus of the Hispanic Heritage Month spotlights every week. Bravo, Tito!
Chris Jericho vs Seth Rollins
Jericho milks the start like a true pro. The scarf he has on is launched into Rollins’ face and Rollins stomps the piss out of him into the corner then wipes his ass with the scarf and throws it at Jericho! Good schtick. Jericho rakes the eyes to get the heat and chops Rollins like an evil man. Rollins gets back into things and kicks the pecs off of Jericho. Jericho tries hiding behind the ref but it doesn’t work. Blockbuster by Rollins is a nice sight for us late 90‘s WCW watchers. Jericho retreats to the floor but eats a baseball slide by Rollins and is tossed into the barricade. He looks hurt, oh no! Owens’ music interrupts things and down to the ring comes the champion. Rollins turns around and Jericho takes advantage by throwing him ribs first onto the ropes! Nice callback to Night of Champions and his injury. Jericho takes over naturally and Owens coaches him on. Jericho, being a smart worker, focuses on the ribs and lower back for the rest of the match. Rollins looks fucked as Jericho hits more offense. Jericho messes up and slaps Rollins around and we get Rollins firing up just to be neutralized by an abdominal stretch. Great stuff! Flatliner into the second turnbuckle changes things though for Jericho. Rollins nails an enzugiri at one point that looks really rough and Jericho takes forearms in the corner for his troubles. Slingblade as well for a near fall. Rollins tries stuff but his ribs keep him subdued. Rollins finally does a strange backbreaker to give us all hope. Jericho counters a cross body with a dropkick to the ribs for a near fall after a spell. This is quite the match I must say, a lot better than their most recent matches. Owens tells Jericho after a Codebreaker is countered to “make him drink it” which I think was sound advice. We get strikes exchanged, Rollins’ high knee being the paramount moment. Rollins finds himself on the apron and he kicks Owens who’s on the floor but takes too much time. Jericho sinks in Walls of Jericho! Rollins is fighting like hell. Rollins wills himself to the ropes though and gets a big pop for it. Rollins eats a superkick from the floor by Owens but it isn’t enough to put him away. Oh wow. Rollins is in a bad way and Jericho tries for his middle rope dropkick to the apron but Rollins moves. Rollins hits a suicide dive but on Owens. Jericho rolls in behind him and again, Rollins plays the dumb face that WWE loves so much. Jericho rushes him but eats an enzugiri followed by a sprinboard high knee for a near fall. Jericho’s bump was really bad and both guys crash to the mat together. Rollins tries for his frog splash and misses, setting up a Lionsault for the near fall! This crowd has come unglued for this one. Jericho takes too much time himself while going up to the top and Rollins catches him on it. They fight up top and Jericho finally gets some separation yet Rollins tries for a Pedigree. There is a serious of roll ups and Jericho goes for the Walls but Rollins finally reverses for the pin. Owens immediately hits the ring and pounds on Rollins. Graves is the man of reason, stating that Owens should be glad because at least now it is only one-on-one but Vince doesn’t agree apparently. Owens goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb but is countered into a Pedigree until Jericho blindsides him. Rollins escapes his onslaught though and finally hits a Pedigree on Jericho. Owens is up the ramp, snorting mad with his title. ***1/2
Overall thoughts: I really liked this show. I felt like the in-ring action was much better than the card last week aside from that Women’s Title main event. I felt like the cruiserweight division was building much better and the fans were clearly more into them this week. The mixed tag was much better than I’d heard some state online in my eyes and very different. The main event was easily Rollins and Jericho’s best match together and did well to make me care about the weeks leading into this next big show aside from the obvious logic fails with Owens.
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